The Point Is… There Are Three Reasons People Don’t Succeed
It’s fast approaching the time when most people start to abandon their New Year’s Resolutions. It certainly doesn’t have to be that way, but statistically it is. And the people who persist… Well, let’s just say it’s obvious they have a big advantage when it comes to getting what they want.
The average person, in a recent Harvard study, reported having repeated the same New Year’s resolution 10 years in a row without achieving their goal. The average person only makes it 15 days into their resolution before something stops them. Primarily, we know what we want; we know technically how to do it but we’re spinning the hamster wheel, never getting anywhere. It’s as if we’re fighting a war we’re not committed to win.
What about our kids and the messages they get from seeing us giving up?
I’ve consumed a couple thousand sources of inspiration, personal development, parenting, achievement and success. A wide variety everything from Napoleon Hill’s, Think and Grow Rich the culmination of the interviews of 500 hugely successful people, Brian Tracy, W. Edwards Deming, Six Sigma, Dr. Gene Landrum, The Search Institute, Dr. Robert Maurer, Dr. Carol Dweck, Dr. Emmy Werner, Dr. Martin Seligman, The Gallup Organization, Pew Research, Dr. Barbra Fredrickson and dozens of biographies like Benjamin Franklin, Oprah Winfrey to Jack Welch, etc., etc…
None of this information is necessary for basic survival; all of my basic-needs and not so basic needs are met. I would have been alright and I would have been a pretty good father without any of those sources of information. So what’s the point?
I think the point is that we want to be better, and make the human condition better, especially for our kids and future generations.
I think one of the most compelling motivations in the world is to be a better person for the people around us, our kids and help them have a better life than we did. The point is you can have anything; win any prize in life, if you’re willing to devote yourself exclusively to it for enough time to have it become part of you.
The point is, you, me, our children, we can set ourselves up for unlimited inevitable success.
We can also settle…
Isn’t that what most of us do most of the time? We compromise. We trade this life for that one we dream about. You know what I’m talking about, the life where my kids are above average, we have a peaceful, cooperative, thriving family, my career is expanding and my waist line is contracting. Sounds like the life we all want doesn’t it?
I’m guilty of settling for a good life. Or at least I was. To borrow from one of the most influential authors in the business world Jim Collins in his book Good to Great, “Good is the enemy of great. And that is one of the key reasons why we have so little that becomes great. We don’t have great schools because we have good schools… Few people attain great lives, in large part because it is just so easy to settle for a good life.”
Success isn’t possible without changing the day-to-day behavior; but changing behavior is hard and even when new habits can mean the difference between life and death. In multiple studies of patients who have undergone coronary bypass surgery, only one in nine people, on average, adopts healthier day-to-day habits. They clearly see the value of changing their behavior, but they don’t follow through. The alternative is death and they still don’t make the change. They settle for…
The Weird World Between Our Ears
In 2006 a friend of mine came across a bizarre headline, it read:
“They’d Trade a Year of Their Life for a Thinner Waist.”
Excuse me, why don’t they just go on a diet. Did I read that right? Who would do that?
The article continued, “Nearly half of those responding to a Yale University survey said they would be willing to give up a year of their life rather than be fat.”
But it didn’t stop there 15% said they would trim a decade off their lives for a thinner waist. And it got worse; they’d trade their marriages, the possibility of having children, a limb, or trade being overweight for being an alcoholic. It seemed pretty surreal to me. I didn’t trust the newspaper, so I looked up the Yale study and read it for myself. Sure enough.
I thought about it for quite a while. “What if I could set up a trade a few minutes of my life for say all of the success I had previously dreamt about? I’d probably give up a few hours, maybe even days.” I thought. Obviously more than a few people are willing to give up a year or two to be healthier. There is probably a good deal more than 50% would give up a few weeks or months of life to have a smaller waist line.
If we want something so badly, why is change so difficult and success so elusive?
Why didn’t they just go on a diet and then stick to it. Then it dawned on me, “They’ve already gone on a diet, maybe dozens of diets.” But they failed and now they feel defeated and helpless.
Here is the really good news: you and I don’t have to give up a year of our life to solve our problems or reach our most important goals.
Three Keys to Change & Success
One of the biggest benefits of researching all of those sources of information on successful people who develop success is that common themes or personal attributes begin to repeat and become clear. As I imagine this is similar to the process Napoleon Hill went through when he interviewed 500 of the most successful people to have lived.
There are many things successful people do to become successful. There is a unique and interesting story for everyone who has successfully made change or become successful. However, no matter what person, or source, or field of study; no matter if the author believes there are 14 or 4 characteristics of success, three essential traits are always present in each person, pursuit or piece of research. These three characteristics override or are the foundation of every other positive trait. They are so critical that success is almost impossible without them, Success Assets:
The First is RESILIENCE
Resilient people have the foundation of all of the other skills and attributes necessary for a happy, successful life. This doesn’t mean they are resilient, happy or successful all of the time, no one is. However they have the ability to recognize their situation for what it is and bounce back if they face adversity. The other words or skills that fall under this first Success Asset are; persistence, internally motivated, self-disciplined, driven, initiative, tenacity, courageous and task-commitment.
The Second is SOCIAL PURPOSE
They have purpose, a goal or mission. More specifically they have a Social Purpose that goes beyond their personal desires and serves a bigger audience than just themselves. The successful understand that their vision, their objectives serve more than themselves. This Success Asset is larger than the personal interest but is not necessarily altruistic or humanitarian. Social Purpose could be describe in other ways like visionary, mission bound, goal oriented, decisive, or problem solver. Yet, you would have to add the social element to these terms. Without finding that what they work toward is appreciated, admired or gains some attention their motivation eventually loses steam and so do they.
The Third is RISK-TAKING
Risk Takers aren’t always rewarded for taking risks. It is crucial that they have the resilience to test and play, having fun, feeling the exhilaration of success or failure. The Risk Taker also needs to have enough feedback to make decisions. Feedback based on experience, yours, theirs’ or a mentor’s. Whether an entertainer, a volunteer, investor, educator, or business leader no one succeeds without taking risks. The biggest risk is that there will be no one in the auditorium on opening night.
In the next few articles I’ll discuss how these Success Assets were and are cultivated. The first step is knowing that these are overriding characteristics of success. The next step is learning how they are cultivated in the successful child and adult to get what we want most in life and win our prize. You’ll be surprised at how simple it is to build and strengthen these traits in healthy supportive ways. The great thing is that you don’t have to focus solely on yourself or your child. You’ll get the best, simultaneously in each of you.
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